Lady M (apostrophee) wrote,
Lady M

Missing Bam and Ryan aka Maddy is 30

Last night I watched a few clips from the old Cky movies and damn it made me miss the old days of the Bam/Ryan fandom. Like, that was like my life from 18-22. I met some incredible people and shared this experience that I can't put into words. Things were simple. It was like those group of strangers -virtual outsiders, those "weird kids" were like me: different, but they didn't care because they had each other. A bond between friends doing stupid juvenile shit like jumping into bushes and peeing on each other in Ice Land.

Damn it's been almost ten years and I'm this completely different person now. I'm successful in my career, I have my own home and I even own fucking stocks for god sakes but I miss the simple times when I could spend hours online writing a Dugera fanfic and spend hours online chatting with other friends about how awesome the latest episode of Viva La Bam was or hours overanalyzing Ryan and Bam's body language because let's be real even if they were never "in love" in the romantic way a lot of us imagined them to be, they really were in love with each other. Soul mates don't have to necessarily be romantic and I was reminded yesterday that damn Ryan Dunn is dead, my first fandom is dead and I can never return to it. And I miss the friends I made, I rarely talk to any of you anymore and at one time some of you were actually good, IRL friends and I miss you all, even the people I fell out with for whatever stupid reason.

It's not about outgrowing the fandom, it's about not being able to continue to grow with it because it can't grow when half of your OTP is gone. Things were so innocent then and I wonder if that little crew of teenagers ever would have guessed just how they would all end up. Are Brandon Dicamillo, Rake and Chris Raab all still friends with Bam? Each other? How bad is Bam strung out on drugs? We can never have that innocent fun of Cky 2k again. We can never have Bran's Chinese Free Style again. That time is gone and damn it makes me nostalgic. Damn it makes me sad.

Am I alone in this? Tell me someone else feels the same?
Tags: bam and ryan, dugera history, dugera squee
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